Shame.
Just saying the word might make you cringe! Shame is something that all of us have felt, whether we realize it or not. In fact, shame is the shared root issue that runs through most of my clients at any given time, no matter what they initially say they are coming to therapy for.
I have read about and researched shame extensively, and I’ve had years of working through it myself! And I see it so often in the therapy room that I thought it would be helpful to start a blog series on shame to give you an introduction to what it is, why it matters, and how to start healing from it.
So first, let’s define shame. Shame is that wildly uncomfortable, even painful feeling that maybe I’m not good enough. Maybe, at my core, I am somehow defective.
Shame is an emotion and a physical sensation. Shame is also a system of beliefs and it shapes how you see yourself.
Many people often confuse shame with guilt. Guilt is the conviction that you have done something wrong, whether that is true or not. Guilt is a matter of behavior. Shame, on the other hand, is the (always) false conviction that I am wrong. Shame is a matter of identity. And even though shame is false, the pain of it can feel so real.
In my therapy office, I help women learn how to understand and tolerate the shame they feel, gain a healthy separation from it, and ultimately begin to heal from it. I cannot emphasize enough how powerful and transformational this process can be - I know from experience, and I am incredibly proud of my clients who so courageously choose to enter into it.
I hope that my posts on shame can help you start to identify and heal from any shame you may have, before you ever step foot in my office!