Listening is one of the most important things we can do as human beings. Yet, we often don’t think about the mechanics of how we actually listen to others on a daily basis.
As a counselor, I am in a unique situation because I am always aware of ways I can be a better listener with my clients. I’ve learned simple tools over the years that have helped me to do my job well, and they can help you, too!
So, what are some ways to be a better listener?
The first step is looking at your body language. This can mean maintaining eye contact, turning your body to face the person you are talking, and leaning in. Mirroring the speaker’s body positions can also be effective.
At the same time, asking open-ended questions can convey genuine interest, which means questions that ask for information beyond a simple “yes or no” answer.
Another helpful tool is to summarize what you think you heard the person say and repeat it back to them. You can start with, “What I hear you saying is…” and ask if you missed anything.
If you don’t understand something, ask for clarity. This may seem obvious, but it is actually quite rare and can be very meaningful. It conveys genuine caring. In addition, make sure to listen not only for content but also for the emotions being conveyed. Then, try to reflect the emotions back to the person to communicate understanding and connection. You can do this with facial expressions and body language, as well as with naming an emotion directly.
Finally, inasmuch as you are able, attempt to maintain a posture of nonjudgment toward yourself and others, and refrain from being reactive. This will enable you to be more genuinely curious about who the person is and what they are actually communicating rather than getting lost in your own preconceived judgments or projections. That way, you will be able to hear others on their own terms.
Try one of these tools today! I bet you’ll be delighted at the response you receive.