Resiliency is our capacity for groundedness, the sense that everything will ultimately be okay regardless of what we are going through.
But what does resiliency actually look like? How can we tell if we have arrived?
People who possess a high degree of resiliency usually embody the following fourteen characteristics:
They aren’t afraid of pain because they know that pain won’t kill them even though what they are going through is incredibly difficult. They don’t have to feel happy all of the time. They don’t consider happiness to be the mark of a good life. Their attitude toward pain and pleasure is pragmatic. They do not catastrophize.
They have a pragmatic attitude toward deprivation: they know it won’t kill you. You can go without. Material things don’t matter that much.
They don’t have to have highs or high adrenaline to enjoy life. They are reluctant to be addicted to anything. They can delay gratification.
They aren’t into control. They are able to cooperate and be on a team; they don’t have to be in charge. They tend to think, “This is what has to be done, so I’ll see what I need to do.” They aren’t afraid of responsibility. They’re not attached to having a position. They see that their effort counts, but it’s not the only effort that matters. They are not passive and helpless, but instead are active.
They are context-conscious: they know that they are only part of a story, not the center of it. They know that if they are to survive, they must be attached to something larger than they are. For Christians, the context is God’s story.
They have a high level of self-knowledge and self-awareness. They are non-defensive. They know their strengths and their weaknesses, so they don’t spend a lot of time in navel-gazing. They are not self-preoccupied, not narcissistic. They accept themselves as they are.
They are satisfied with partial results, common sense. They are practical about their achievements. Things don’t have to be perfect. They do what they can, giving something their best shot and moving on. They settle for less than perfection. They follow the Rule of Good-Enough.
They are givers, not hoarders. They are open and generous.
They have a pragmatic hope, believing and saying, “It’s not over ‘til it’s over.” They have hope.
They accept responsibility for themselves. They are their own bottom-line, saying “someday isn’t a day of the week. It would be nice if someone would help me, but no one is here, so I’ll see what I can do. I will see how to rescue myself.” Resilient people are don't complain, but are practical, cooperative people. They don’t have to have full equipment for a task. They know how to use whatever they have.
They have an ability to enjoy a second choice: If I can’t go on Monday, I’ll go on Tuesday.
They can laugh at themselves comfortably.
They have the ability to restart after they have failed. They can pick up the pieces and start again. Failure can teach new skills. They know that “If I fall down, that just means that I fell down.”
They tend to be foul-weather friends. They go toward trouble to help; they’re not party people. They move close to people when there is a need. It’s as though the resilient person gives you plenty of space to do your thing, but will keep an eye on you in case you get into trouble.
Reading through this list with an openness to yourself and without judging yourself is in itself a practice of resiliency. As you assess yourself honestly, ask God to reveal your weak areas and bring healing so that you are more and more able to say, “It will be okay. I’ve got this,” in every area of life!